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Deepcut Cobbler
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« Reply #20 on: December 09, 2011, 15:05:10 pm » |
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Sex in a lift is wrong, on so many levels.  |
“They shall grow not old as we that are left grow old:
Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn.
At the going down of the sun and in the morning
We will remember them.”
Laurance Binyon
The Hotelend Grand National Sweepstake Champion 2009
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Bingers
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« Reply #21 on: December 28, 2011, 21:10:44 pm » |
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Bloke I know has just bought a pub, he reckons that he will call it one of the following 3 names: The Prince Charming , Goody Twoshoes or The Kings Of The Wild Frontier. I've tried to talk him out of it but he's adamant .
Went out to buy some camouflage trousers today, but I couldn’t find any.....
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oldbloke
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« Reply #22 on: February 03, 2012, 07:13:18 am » |
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Last night I reached for my liquid **** and accidentally
swigged from a bottle of Tippex. I woke this morning with a huge
correction.
The wife suggested I get myself one of those **** enlargers so
I did....she's 21 and her name's Lucy.
My girlfriend said she was leaving me due to my obsession with
the 60's group The Monkees. I thought she was joking ........ and then I
saw her face......
I went to the pub with my girlfriend last night. Locals were
shouting "paedo" and other names at me just because my girlfriend is 21
and I'm 50. It completely spoilt our 10th anniversary.
My budgie broke his leg today so I made him a little splint out
of a couple of Swan Vesta's his little face lit up when he tried to
walk.. Unfortunately, I forgot to remove the sandpaper from the bottom
of his cage.
I got sacked last night from the Salvation Army soup kitchen,
ungrateful bleeders.
All I said was, 'hurry up for goodness sake, some of us have got
homes to go to!'
I was sat in a restaurant and got hit on the back of the head by
a prawn ****tail. I looked round and this bloke shouts, 'That's just for
starters!'
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“In all things it is better to hope than to despair”
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semilong cobbler
Jr. Member
 Offline
Posts: 59
a big boy did it and ran away
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« Reply #23 on: February 05, 2012, 20:18:04 pm » |
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Going to get a valentines day card from moonpig. She hates it when i call her that.
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Deepcut Cobbler
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« Reply #24 on: February 09, 2012, 09:20:02 am » |
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During this snow all my wife does is look through the window, if it gets any deeper I might let her in.....
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“They shall grow not old as we that are left grow old:
Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn.
At the going down of the sun and in the morning
We will remember them.”
Laurance Binyon
The Hotelend Grand National Sweepstake Champion 2009
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fatblokecobbler
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« Reply #25 on: February 14, 2012, 22:01:43 pm » |
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I went to a club for female amputees last night,place was crawling with fanny
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"She stripped to the beat but her clothes stay on."
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mazza82
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« Reply #26 on: February 15, 2012, 07:40:31 am » |
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My sister just found out that she has Hayfever and Diabetes.
So I trued to cheer her up with the usual....flowers.....chocolates...
Last summer I set up a clinic for Colonic Irrogation, but the Hosepipe ban hit us hard!
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cobblersbob
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« Reply #27 on: March 19, 2012, 21:40:49 pm » |
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My wife just told me there was water in the carburettor.
"Where's the car?" I said.
"In the river"
Tommy Cooper lives!
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cobblersbob
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« Reply #28 on: March 25, 2012, 01:30:53 am » |
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Bloke A - "Do you smoke after intercourse?"
Bloke B - "I don't know. I've never looked".
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semilong cobbler
Jr. Member
Offline
Posts: 59
a big boy did it and ran away
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tea is for mugs
angb, thats bang out of order
**** is for ****s
i'll stop at nothing to avoid using negative numbers
whoever made wind is an arsehole
virgin money. a bank that won't **** with you
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