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Monk

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Alwaysdark
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« on: October 20, 2015, 18:36:58 pm »

A man is driving down the road and his car breaks down near a monastery.

He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, "My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?"

The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, and even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound. A sound unlike anything he's ever heard before. The Sirens that nearly seduced Odysseus into crashing his ship comes to his mind. He doesn't sleep that night.

He tosses and turns trying to figure out what could possibly be making such a seductive sound. The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, "We can't tell you. You're not a monk." Distraught, the man is forced to leave.

Years later, after never being able to forget that sound, the man goes back to the monastery and pleads for the answer again.

The monks reply, "We can't tell you. You're not a monk."

The man says, "If the only way I can find out what is making that beautiful sound is to become a monk, then please, make me a monk."

The monks reply, "You must travel the earth and tell us how many blades of grass there are and the exact number of grains of sand. When you find these answers, you will have become a monk."

The man sets about his task.

After years of searching he returns as a gray-haired old man and knocks on the door of the monastery. A monk answers. He is taken before a gathering of all the monks.

"In my quest to find what makes that beautiful sound, I travelled the earth and have found what you asked for: By design, the world is in a state of perpetual change. Only God knows what you ask. All a man can know is himself, and only then if he is honest and reflective and willing to strip away self deception."

The monks reply, "Congratulations. You have become a monk. We shall now show you the way to the mystery of the sacred sound."

The monks lead the man to a wooden door, where the head monk says, "The sound is beyond that door."

The monks give him the key, and he opens the door. Behind the wooden door is another door made of stone. The man is given the key to the stone door and he opens it, only to find a door made of ruby. And so it went that he needed keys to doors of emerald, pearl and diamond.

Finally, they come to a door made of solid gold. The sound has become very clear and definite. The monks say, "This is the last key to the last door."

The man is apprehensive to no end. His life's wish is behind that door!

With trembling hands, he unlocks the door, turns the knob, and slowly pushes the door open. Falling to his knees, he is utterly amazed to discover the source of that haunting and seductive sound...

But, of course, I can't tell you what it is because you're not a monk.
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« Reply #1 on: October 20, 2015, 22:44:41 pm »

I am, tell me... Grin
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“They shall grow not old as we that are left grow old:
Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn.
At the going down of the sun and in the morning
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« Reply #2 on: February 13, 2016, 10:15:46 am »

A young monk joins a Monastery. The Abbot welcomes him and explains that the monks all work hard every day copying out the scriptures in copperplate. On his first day at work he notices that all the monks are copying from previous copies, so he goes to the Abbot and tells him that he doesn't think it's very wise to copy from copies.

 "The trouble is that if you make a mistake it just gets compounded in subsequent copies."

 The Abbot says that he hadn't considered that, and agreed that it was not ideal.

 "Do you have the original scriptures?" the young monk asks.

 "I think so" replies the Abbot " I think they are somewhere deep down in the crypt below the chapel"

 So he says he will go and search for them.

 Several hours pass and the Abbot hasn't returned, so getting concerned the young monk goes down to search for him.

 He finds the Abbot seated at a table with a scripture open on the table in front of him. The Abbot is in tears.

 "What's the matter?" asks the young monk.

 " The "R" is missing, and has been for centuries!" sobs the Abbot " The word should be CELIBRATE!"
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« Reply #3 on: December 04, 2016, 22:11:20 pm »

Not a Monk joke, but a Nun joke, I hope you'll forgive me.


A convent burns to the ground, killing all the nuns inside. They form a long queue in front of the gates of heaven where saint Peter announces that they can enter but only after admitting to their sins.

The first nun says that she once touched a man's ****. Saint Peter conjures up a bowl of holy water and asks her to wash her hands in it and say five hail marys then she may enter heaven. The same thing happens with the next nun but when she has entered, a commotion breaks out at the back of the queue as one nun starts trying to push to the front.

'Calm down', Shouts saint Peter, 'You'll all get your turn'.

The nun shouts back 'I know, but i want to wash my mouth out in that water before sister Mary sticks her arse in it'.
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