For some time many of us have wondered just who the hell is Jack
Schitt? We find ourselves at a loss when someone says, 'You don't know
Jack Schitt !' Well thanks to my genealogy efforts, you can now
respond in an intellectual way.
Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer
magnate, married O Schitt the owner of Needeep N. Schitt, Inc. They
had one son, Jack.
In turn Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt. The deeply religious couple
produced six children: Holie Schitt, G iva Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Bull
Schitt, and the twins Deap Schitt and Dip Schitt. Against her parents
objections, Deap Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school drop out.
After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced. Noe Schitt
later married Ted Sherlock, and because her kids were living with
them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was then known as Noe
Schitt Sherlock.
Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt, and they produced a son
with a rather nervous disposition named Chicken Schitt. Two of the
other six children, Fulla Schitt and G iva Schitt, were inseparable
throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in
a dual ceremony. The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced
the Schitt-Happens nuptials.
The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd, and Hoarse. Bull Schitt,
the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned
from Italy with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt.
So now when someone tells you 'You don't know Jack Schitt,' you can
correct them.
