Well what an afternoon.
Popped to Spinney Morrisons just after lunch to get some Stellas and johnnies. As I swigged from my first can I noticed a few Sileby pull in an old Nova (the reg began KV06 I'm sure, any info appreciated) and started to throw chips at me. I tore my can in half to get a jagged edge for their pock marked faces to munch on, but just as I raised my arm about twenty riot police pounced on me. I must have probably put about 6 of them down before they got me into the van and took me to the station.
At some red lights they sent a couple of their big lads into the back, and I was expecting a good kicking. Imagine my surprise when I was offered an ultimatum - I had to bang one of these officers up the backside or face a night in the clink. Obviously I took the former option, and before I could say Adebayo Akinfenwa I was inserting my own thin blue line into this burly coppers pile-ridden starfish. Luckily I can usually lose my mess at will, and today was no different, getting a good 10cc into Her Majesties Finest.
I still got a beating for slapping his cheeks as I withdrew, so was dumped at the doors of Northampton General. I was just about to jump in a sherbet to get to the game, but just then a nurse caught my eye. She was just my type - a BMI of 35 at least, stubble in all the right places and leering at me through a cloud of fag smoke. Even though I'd just blown my beans in a panda van, I knew I had to have a slice of this food bank devotee. I motioned towards the fracture clinic and by the time we burst through the double doors, I already had the jolly roger pumping between her immense cans, one of which was somewhat larger than the other. As the shouted encouragement from the assembled broken bones patients grew, I knew I had to make this count - and then it was like a firehose - literally spraying the cheap waiting room seats with aplomb.
Twice a day is enough for me, so I went home, had a shower and now I'm gonna knock one out whilst watching Little Mix.
Poetry