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Some one liners

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Author Topic: Some one liners  (Read 7613 times)
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oldbloke
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« Reply #20 on: February 03, 2012, 06:13:18 am »

Last night I reached for my liquid Viagra and accidentally
swigged from a bottle of Tippex.  I woke this morning with a huge
correction.

The wife suggested I get myself one of those penis enlargers so
I did....she's 21 and her name's Lucy.

My girlfriend said she was leaving me due to my obsession with
the 60's group The Monkees. I thought she was joking ........ and then I
saw her face......

I went to the pub with my girlfriend last night. Locals were
shouting "paedo" and other names at me just because my girlfriend is 21
and I'm 50. It completely spoilt our 10th anniversary.

My budgie broke his leg today so I made him a little splint out
of a couple of Swan Vesta's his little face lit up when he tried to
walk.. Unfortunately, I forgot to remove the sandpaper from the bottom
of his cage.

I got sacked last night from the Salvation Army soup kitchen,
ungrateful bleeders.
All I said was, 'hurry up for goodness sake, some of us have got
homes to go to!'

I was sat in a restaurant and got hit on the back of the head by
a prawn cocktail. I looked round and this bloke shouts, 'That's just for
starters!'
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