Sex Jokes

[Deepcut Cobbler]

Is Sex Work?

An Army Colonel was about to start the morning briefing to his staff.
While waiting for the coffee machine to finish brewing, the Colonel decided to pose a question to all assembled.

He explained that his wife had been a bit frisky the night before and he failed to get his usual amount of sound sleep.

He posed the question of just how much of sex was "work" and how much of it was "pleasure?"

A Major chimed in with 75-25% in favor of work.

A Captain said it was 50-50%.

A Lieutenant responded with 25-75% in favor of pleasure, depending upon
his state of inebriation at the time.

There being no consensus, the Colonel turned to his Private soldier who was in charge of making the coffee and asked for HIS opinion?

Without any hesitation, the young Private responded, "Sir, it has to be 100% pleasure."

The Colonel was surprised and as you might guess, asked why?

"Well, sir, if there was any work involved, the officers would have me doing it for them." 

 

[Deepcut Cobbler]

Nothing worse than looking down after sex and seeing that soggy used condom hanging from your dick....especially if you wasn't wearing one to start with........... 

[Deepcut Cobbler]

Little Sally came home from school with a smile on her face and told her mother, "Tommy Brown showed me his willy today at the playground!"

Before the mother could raise a concern, Sally went on to say, "It reminded me of a peanut."
Relaxing with a hidden smile, Sally's Mum asked, "Why, was it really small?"

Sally replied, "No... Salty."

Mum fainted. 

[Deepcut Cobbler]

I was at work yesterday when a female colleague asked me what my ring tone was. I said "light brown like everyone else's". These women are certainly more forward these days.

The wife suggested I get myself one of those penis enlargers....... so I did....she's 21 and her name's Lucy
 
My girlfriend said she was leaving me due to my obsession with the 60's group The Monkees. I thought she was joking........And then I saw her face......
 

 

[fatblokecobbler]

A widow of 4 years decided it was time to start dating again.
The first time she slept with her new man she lay naked on the bed except for some small black knickers,she said to her new man,"You can do what you want with me except go there im still in mourning for my first husband."
The next night as she lay on the bed her new man came in with a black condom on she said "What are you wearing that for?"
He replied "I thought id offer my codolences"