A woman had been on the game for 4 years and was worried about the size of her fanny on her wedding night
so she decided to tell her husband she caught it climbing over a fence.
After an hour in bed with her he said
"How far across the field were you before you realised it was caught"
Wife says to her husband "You only ever want sex when you're drunk"
Husband says "Thats not true....... sometimes I want a kebab"
I bought the wife a Memory Stick, it's great!
She hasn't forgotten my beer, dinner or sex once since the first beating.
The missus asked me the other night if she pleased me in bed?
I said "Yes, I love that trick you do with your mouth." . . .
"What trick?" she asked?
"The one where you shut up and go to sleep!"
Kate Middleton asked the Queen for advice on marriage and a long relationship...
She replied "Always wear a seatbelt and don't piss me off!"
A man approaches a young woman in a shop. he says
"I can't find my wife, can I talk to you for a few minutes"?
The woman says "Sure but do you have any idea where your wife is"?
"Not a clue" he says "but whenever I talk to a woman with t!ts like yours, she soon appears out of nowhere"!