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Wife Joke

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fatblokecobbler
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« on: September 12, 2011, 19:30:30 pm »

I lay in bed with the wife the other night and said "Seeing your face reminds me of the lottery."
"Why" she said "Because im worth a million pounds?"
"No" i said "I wish you`d fecking roll over"
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"She stripped to the beat but her clothes stay on."

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« Reply #1 on: April 28, 2012, 20:02:20 pm »

Some more wife jokes - first one especially for Tyro:

When my wife found out I was doing Yoga she said "I bet it's got something to do with one of your latest weird sexual perversions"
I was so taken aback by her accusation I nearly choked on my cock.


And this one:

My wife called me into the bedroom last night, opened the top drawer of her dressing table and said "I've noticed that every pair of panties I own looks misshapen and the elastic on them is all streched. Would you care to explain why this is?"

"Well there's a perfectly simple explanation", I stammered, unable to conceal my nerves at what I was about to say. "You have a massive arse!"


But not this one:

My wife complained that I'm prone to exaggeration. I nearly tripped over my cock!


And finally:

My wife accused me of being sexist. But how could she understand? She's a woman.
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« Reply #2 on: May 05, 2012, 21:46:31 pm »

4 old guys are playing their regular Thursday afternoon poker game in the pub when a funeral passes the window. One of the old guys gets out of his seat and bows his head.

The other guys tell him he is a real gentleman to do that, he replied "Least I could do, I was married to her for 30 years"
 
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« Reply #3 on: June 22, 2012, 16:38:34 pm »

A guy walks into a sperm donor bank wearing a ski mask and holding a gun.
He goes up to the nurse and demands her to open the sperm bank vault. She says "But sir, its just a sperm bank!"
"I don't care, open it now!!!" he replies. So she opens the door to the vault and inside are all the sperm samples.
The guy says "Take one of those sperm samples and drink it!"
she looks at him "BUT, they are sperm samples???" , "DO IT!". So the nurse sucks it back. "That one there, drink that one as well."
so the nurse drinks that one as well. Finally after 4 samples the man takes off his ski mask and says, "See honey - its not that hard is it?..... "

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« Reply #4 on: June 27, 2012, 20:29:25 pm »

I took the wife to a disco at the weekend.There was a guy on the dancefloor giving it large:breakdancing,moonwalking,backflips,the works.
My wife turned to me and said,"See that guy? 25 years ago he proposed to me and i turned him down."
I said,"Looks like he`s still fcuking celebrating."
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« Reply #5 on: December 07, 2012, 21:18:24 pm »

I went to a florist & said "I'd like to buy some flowers for my wife."
"The florist says "Certainly, what is it you're after?"
I replied "A blow job"
 
 
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