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Yorkshire

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Bingers
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« on: September 26, 2013, 21:25:45 pm »

I wasn't sure whether this should go in the General Chat:


Yorkshire Phone Call

An American tourist comes to England to visit. He tours around the major cities and, being a great lover of cathedrals and churches, he visits many - starting in St. Pauls Cathedral in London.

 Whilst in there he is admiring the great architecture and amazing fittings when he notices a golden telephone behind the alter!
 He asks some-one what the golden phone is...and gets the answer "thats a direct line to God! But it costs 50 million British pounds to use it !"
 Amazed, he snaps some photos, and moves on for his next visit.

 In Lincoln Cathedral he is again loooking around at the majesty of the interior, when he sees another golden telephone behind the alter. Again, he asks someone what it is...."a direct line to God mate! But its 50 million British Pounds to use it!"
 Again, amazed, he snaps some photos, and moves on for his next visit.

 He visits great cathedrals and churches the length and breadth of
 Britain - Manchester, Glasgow, Bristol etc etc....and all have these golden phones behind the alter - £50million pounds a call.

 Finally he arrives in Yorkshire and calls in Sheffield Cathedral. He is taking photos and taking it all in when he notices that there is a sign next to the golden phone which reads, "All calls 10pence".

 Aghast, he asks the Vicar about it, "I have seen these golden phones in all the places I have visited, but they are £50million to call God...how come this one has that sign on it?"

 The Vicar replies "This is Yorkshire my friend...its a local call from here!"


Balance

Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God went missing for six days.

 Eventually, Michael the archangel found him on the seventh day resting. He
 enquired of god,"Where have you been?" God pointed downwards through the
 clouds. "Look Michael, look what I've made" said God. Archangel Michael
 looked puzzled and said,

 "What is it?" "Its a planet," replied God, " and I've put LIFE on it. I'm
 going to call it Earth and its going to be a great place of balance."
 "Balance?" inquired Michael, still confused. God explained, pointing down to
 different parts of the Earth, "For example, North America will be a place of
 great opportunity and wealth while South America is going to be poor; the
 Middle East over there will be a hot spot and Russia will be a cold spot." God continued, pointing to the different
 countries. "This one will be extremely hot and arid while this one will be
 very cold and covered in ice." The Archangel, impressed by God's work, then
 pointed to another area of land and asked, "What's that?" "Ah," said God.
 "That's Yorkshire, the most glorious place on earth. There are beautiful
 people, seven great cities, and many impressive towns, it is the home of the
 world's finest artists, musicians, writers, thinkers, explorers and
 politicians. The people from Yorkshire are going to be modest, intelligent
 and humorous and they're going to be found travelling the world. They'll be
 extremely sociable, hard-working and high-achieving, and they will be known
 throughout the world as speakers of truth." Michael gasped in wonder and
 admiration but then proclaimed,"What about balance God, you said there will
 be BALANCE!"

 God _replied very wisely, "Wait till you see what I'm putting next
 to them in Lancashire."
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singcobb
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« Reply #1 on: September 27, 2013, 17:09:57 pm »

Many a true word said in jest.
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« Reply #2 on: October 13, 2013, 21:01:32 pm »

Bingers never jests!
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« Reply #3 on: October 14, 2013, 09:40:22 am »

Us Yorkshire folk don't have time for jests, we're too busy looking after Heaven on Earth for the rest of you.
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« Reply #4 on: October 27, 2013, 21:47:11 pm »

Us Yorkshire folk don't have time for jests, we're too busy looking after Heaven on Earth for the rest of you.
Are you in GOC as well Singcobb?
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« Reply #5 on: October 28, 2013, 13:16:32 pm »

Are you in GOC as well Singcobb?


Not in but hale from originally. Right up near the Co. Duhram border.
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« Reply #6 on: December 28, 2013, 11:59:21 am »

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“They shall grow not old as we that are left grow old:
Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn.
At the going down of the sun and in the morning
We will remember them.” Laurence Binyon

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« Reply #7 on: January 20, 2014, 19:14:46 pm »

Three friends married women from different parts of the world...

The first man married a Greek girl. He told her that she was to do the dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple of days, but on the third day he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away.

The second man married a Thai girl. He gave his wife orders that she was to do ...all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking. The first day he didn't see any results but the next day he saw it was better. By the third day he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done, and there was a huge dinner on the table.

The third man married a girl from Yorkshire. He ordered her to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed, and hot meals on the table for every meal. The first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything either but by the third day, some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye and his arm was healed enough that he could fix himself a sandwich and load the dishwasher. He still has some difficulty when he urinates.
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« Reply #8 on: January 28, 2014, 08:59:46 am »

A Yorkshire man walks into a vets and says, "I've come about t'cat". The Vet says, "Is it a tom?".

Yorkshireman replies, "No it's down here in t'basket".
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« Reply #9 on: January 28, 2014, 09:51:29 am »

Yorkshire auction site:   www.ebuygum.co.uk


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“They shall grow not old as we that are left grow old:
Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn.
At the going down of the sun and in the morning
We will remember them.” Laurence Binyon

The Hotelend Grand National Sweepstake Champion 2009
singcobb
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« Reply #10 on: January 29, 2014, 11:11:41 am »

A Yorkshireman and a Scouser go into Greggs.The Scouser nicks 3 pies and puts them in his pocket, then boasts to the Yorkshireman, "Did youse see that mate? The staff never even saw me."The Yorkshireman says, "That's nowt mate, watch this."So the Yorkshireman goes back into the shop and says to the manager, "Gi'us three pies reyt and I'll show thi some magic," where upon he eats them bold as brass in front of the manager.The manager says, "So where's the magic in that?" The Yorkshireman says, "Go aahrt thieer & check that Scouser's pocket."
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« Reply #11 on: February 18, 2014, 09:41:05 am »

Bill and his wife Blanche go to the Yorkshire show every year,
And every year Bill would say,
" Blanche, I'd like to ride in that there 'elicopter "
Blanche always replied,
" I know Bill, but that 'elicopter ride is twenty quid,
And twenty quid is twenty quid ! "
One year Bill and Blanche went to the fair, and Bill said,
" Blanche, I'm 75 years old.
If I don't ride that there 'elicopter, I might never get another chance "
To this, Blanche replied,
" Bill that 'elicopter ride is twenty quid, and twenty quid is twenty quid "
The pilot overheard the couple and said,
" I'll make you a deal. I'll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and don't say a word I won't charge you a penny !
But if you say one word it's twenty quid. "
Bill and Blanche agreed and up they went.
The pilot did all kinds of fancy maneuvers, but not a word was heard.
He did his daredevil tricks over and over again,
But still not a word...
When they landed, the pilot turned to Bill and said,
" By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't..
I'm impressed ! "
Bill replied,
" Well, to tell you t'truth
I almost said summat when Blanche fell out,
But tha' knows,
twenty quid is twenty quid"
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